Whether you’re trying to stay positive for your children or loved ones or you’re trying to manage a whole team completely remotely, it can be taxing trying to be a role model when you’re scared and worried too; not just for your energy but for your mental health. It’s a scary situation right now with so many unknowns. Even though lockdown restrictions are being gradually lifted, with no clear end in sight, so it’s completely normal to feel this way. However, when you’re running a practice or a household, perhaps even both, you may be feeling like you can’t feel this way.
To help you be strong for the people who need you, here is how to stay positive even when you’re scared and worried too.
To remain positive you must deal with your anxiety and worry first
It’s no good squashing down any fears that you have because you ‘can’t afford’ to feel them. All this does is it keeps them at bay – not effectively because you won’t even feel better in the short term – and it causes them to build in the background until they eventually have to come out. Usually, this isn’t pretty and more often than not, they come out in the worst of ways and far more intensely than if you had just dealt with them in the first place.
So, not feeling how you actually feel and keeping it in is bad. This means that the only way to cope is to deal with it and let it go.
To help you deal with your worries and fears so that you can effectively let them go, here are a few things that you can try:
1. Talk to someone
Don’t try to figure things out by yourself, it’ll only amplify how you are feeling. Seek community and support. If you have someone who you trust and who you can speak to, then do, otherwise, try online support groups and resources and maybe even an online therapist.
2. Arm yourself with facts rather than fiction
Make sure you get your information and news from reputable resources like the government website. These are useful as they tell you about the practical things that you can do.
3. Limit your exposure to the news/social media
While staying informed helps you feel more in control, it can also fuel anxiety which can quickly become overwhelming. Stick to one interval a day where you catch up on the news such as after your workday and before you start settling down in the evening.
4. Plan your new daily routine to help stay positive
Having a regular daily routine makes you feel grounded as it allows you to take back some control. When working from home with the whole family indoors too, you need a plan!
5. Prioritise your mental health
What hobbies do you love? What things make you feel calm? You need to take time out for yourself, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed, so think about what would help. Maybe it’s daily meditation or yoga. Maybe you prefer to listen to podcasts, read a book or take a few minutes to practice mindfulness breathing.
You need to train your brain to be more positive
Here are some things that you need to be doing regularly to train your brain to be positive:
1. Be real with how you feel but be okay with some things being out of your control
Pretending you don’t feel scared or worried won’t work. You need to tell yourself it’s okay to feel that way but it’s also okay to not know/control some things.
2. Believe a positive attitude is a choice
People aren’t either positive or negative, the difference is that people choose to find positivity in difficult situations. If you truly believe that your attitude is a choice then you will find it easier to control how you feel regardless of what’s happening around you.
3. Focus on positive thoughts
In moments of panic or negativity, get outside and go for a walk. Listen to calming music until you can take your mind away from what you’re worried about. Now spend time focusing on things that make you feel safe, accepted, and loved. Over time, it will become natural for you to think about how fortunate you are rather than succumbing to fear or anxiety.
4. Rid your life of negativity
Certain things, people, or habits can harbor negativity and they often are a drain on your energy too. Where possible, eliminate these from your life or at least limit your exposure to them.
5. Look for positivity
retraining your brain takes time so practice every day. Consciously select something positive to think about wherever you are and whatever you are doing throughout the day. This will refocus your brain’s attention in the immediate and will foster positivity in the long run.
6. Reinforce the positivity in your life
You can’t be in a state of fear (negative) and gratitude (positive) at the same time so practice gratitude as much as possible. End every day by making a list of what you’re grateful for.
7. Minimise threat and maximise reward to establish better habits
Negative self-talk serves no purpose other than to make yourself feel worse so start recognising when you feel bad and what is making you feel that way. When you recognise these moments, immediately do something that makes you happy, reframe the situation, or practice gratitude. This ‘reward’ that you give yourself stimulates the release of dopamine and serotonin (happy hormones) which over time, will help you develop healthier patterns.
Only then can you be there for others
We’ve outlined the two biggest steps for how to stay positive: first, you need to deal with your own fear and let it go, and then you need to retrain your brain to think positively. Only when you do these two steps consistently can you be strong enough or have the energy to help others who may be feeling this way too.
To be there for others during this difficult time, here are the best ways that you can help them:
- Check-in regularly and really listen – with weeks of lockdown and social distancing, communication has never been so essential. Help others satisfy their social needs by checking in regularly and listening to how they are.
- Help them reframe things and to be more positive – if they are struggling with their situation and are feeling very negative about the outlook, help them reframe it and share some techniques for how to stay positive.
- Share what works for you – what works for you might work for them (such as exercise, mediation or healthy eating recipes) so share with them. It might make a difference having someone they know who is doing it too.
- Be empathetic – when helping others with their feelings, try not to dismiss how they are feeling as wrong. Be empathetic to their situation and approach it as a problem-solving task together.
- Spread kindness – tell someone they look nice today, praise them when they’ve done a great job, and tell them that you love them or appreciate them. Send flowers or a gift to someone, write letters or notes to them.
Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself
Parents, in particular, may feel guilty about taking time for themselves but it is absolutely necessary. Would you rather take 10-20 minutes out of the day to focus on your well-being or would you rather burn out until you’re no help to anyone for a much longer period of time?
Whether you’re a parent, a spouse, a carer, or a business owner, to be there for others you first have to be there for yourself. Even if you’re scared and worried about the current situation, you can do this, you just need to take some time to deal with your own feelings first and practice gratitude every day to reframe your brain to think positively. Once these become a part of your routine, you won’t even have to think about how to stay positive then. This will be your default and you can be strong and able to support others all the time.